How do you decide when something is good enough?
This is a hard one because you don’t want to settle, right? If you are ambitious, you’ve probably learned to silence people who tell you that you should just be happy with what you have. We write them off as small thinkers who couldn’t possibility understand where we’re going. I get that. At the same time, it can be dangerous to get into a cycle where you can never be satisfied and enough is never enough. It can be hard on your mental health and make it difficult to celebrate the wins and progress in your life.
In today’s episode, I’m going to walk your through three strategies to make sure you are locked in on what enough looks like in your life. Having a firm grasp on this, will help you feel more successful and accomplished, so you can actually enjoy your success.
Imagine looking out on the horizon. When you’re standing still, it looks like a fixed place in the distance. You might say to yourself, I need to get there and start moving. But then a funny thing happens when you start to move forward, the picture changes. The destination is further now. Eventually, you are standing in the place where the horizon first was, but you might not even notice, because you are so focused on what you see on the horizon now.
Our dreams are the same way. We start out with one dream…like maybe to go to earn a certain amount of money or get married. Before you know it, you’ve achieved that dream, but if you are like most people…you don’t sit there satisfied…now you have a new dream. Maybe it’s a promotion or to have a baby. It’s easy to just keep moving without acknowledging the fact that you achieved your goal…even if you do have a new one. I learned this concept in an amazing book called The Gap and the Gain, if you haven’t read it and you find yourself in a constant state of dissatisfaction with your life and you …I highly recommend it.
It’s natural for our dreams to keep evolving and growing, so we have to be intentional about deciding what enough looks like in our life. I’m going to share a few strategies today to help you do just that!
Strategy #1 – The List
The list has gotten a bad rap from the dating conversation. You always hear about these women (or men) that have this long laundry list of “requirements” for a spouse. I won’t get into that, but I will say there is more than one way to create a list. I’ll admit I did learn my preferred method for writing a list from a dating book, but I promise it’s a very practical approach. If you are in a season of singleness and looking for help finding a partner, I highly recommend this book. It’s called “Getting to I Do”. It’s an old book, but it’s so good. Maybe I’ll do an episode on it one day.
Anyway, the list strategy I’m going to share can be used in any area of your life, from your search for a partner, to a new job, or a new house. You start by brainstorming all of the things you want — this is where a lot of list making ends. The next steps are important though, this is where things get practical. Maybe on a fresh sheet of paper, write 5 must haves and up to 10 nice to haves. You can pull from the larger list for this. Then you can use this list to rationally evaluate any opportunities that come your way. If they don’t have your must haves, it’s probably a no. There can be exceptions, like if you really need a job, you may have to make concessions until you can grow your resume and get a better joy. If the opportunity has all 5 “must haves”, you should shoot for at least half of your “nice to haves.”
If the opportunity has all of your must haves and and half of your nice haves, it’s good enough! Not in a…I’m settling kind of way. In a nothing in life is going to be perfect — so let’s not pass up on good opportunities way. You are making the list, you are deciding what’s important — this process just gives you a methods to prioritize the things you want.
When you are making your list, resist the temptation to put a bunch of things into one bullet on your list. Each bullet should be a distinct feature or quality okay. No cheating!
Strategy #2 Take a Temperature Check
So the list is better for preparing to make a decision about what you will accept in a new relationship or opportunity. This next strategy is more to help you decide if you should try to get out of a situation. There are three questions I suggest you ask yourself to figure out if you need a change.
- Question #1 – Am I being harmed by this situation? This might be a quick no for you. If it’s not a quick no, I suggest you spend some time here. Maybe journal or spend some quiet time reflecting on this question. The harm could be physical, mental, emotional, or financial to name a few. If you are being harmed, this is a time you should consider fast and decisive action to change your situation.
- Question #2 – Could I be doing better? Maybe you are not being harmed, but you feel like you could be doing better. This is a less urgent problem. If you do think you could be doing better, spend some time thinking about how. Maybe you feel like you could be making more money or dating someone who appreciates you more. You’re not being harmed, but you’re also not maximizing your potential. In this case I would slowly and carefully consider changing my situation.
- Question #3 – Am I willing to put effort into improving this? I imagine you probably answered yes, “I could be doing better” because ambitious people pretty much always believe they could be doing better. So, this next question is important. Is this something you want to work towards? This is not a trick question, your answer can be “no” or “not right now” and that’s okay. In fact, that’s more than okay!! That’s a boundary. And, as my favorite Peloton instructor Robin Arzon always says — “Boundaries are sexy!”
I came across a shirt the other day that I loved, it said — “She believed she could, but she needed a break so she said NO.” Ambition doesn’t have to be consistent for every phase and area of your life. Give yourself grace to rest, recover, and build up energy to start striving again if you need it!
Strategy #3 – Document
I intentionally left the title for this one vague because I want you to decide the best format for you! Be intention about ensuring you remember where you started and what your dreams were when you started. This will help you reinforce how far you’ve come and they will help you know in your heart that you are enough and all the hard work you’ve done matters. Here are a few ideas on how you can do this.
- Idea #1 – Journal. I will admit I have a hard time journaling. It’s one of those things I know I should do, but I’m just never consistent with it. One hack that I have is picking a specific journal to write my dreams, hopes, and ideas. So, even if I don’t go back to it for 6 months, my thoughts are all in one place. It’s really cool to go back and see what I wrote in the past and see how far I’ve come. Even if it’s in realizing that dream wasn’t actually the right fit for me.
- Idea #2 – Photographing. I hate those weight loss programs that make you take before pictures. Like I just won’t do it. I don’t need that in my life lol. But, I do understand why they make you do it. There is something about being able to see the progress. Sometimes the changes are so gradual we don’t even notice the difference — like the horizon changing and we move forward. I use to be a professional photographer and one of the things I loved most about it was my ability to reflect back the beautiful family they’d created. We work so hard, and there is nothing like having evidence — We did have fun. We did laugh until it hurt that day. I did make that dream trip to Disney happen. On the days when doors are slamming and tears are flowing, it’s so important to have those memories.
- Idea #3 – Vision Boards. The jury is out on whether vision boards magically make things happen in your life. What I know for sure is vision boards do a great job of archiving our dreams. I made a vision board when I was like 23, and it’s amazing when I come across it and see how many of those visions have come to be. It’s like a time capsule for our dreams.
Well there you have it! Three strategies to make sure you are locked in on what enough looks like in your life. I hope these strategies help you get really clear on what enough looks like for you, so you can recognize success and enough when you see it. You deserve to really enjoy your success. Let’s keep rising together friends!
