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Today we are going to be talking about navigating the journey of figuring out what your kids need in school. When you have your first kid, no one tells you how hard it will be to navigate parenthood. It doesn’t matter how big and supportive your community is, the decisions will all be your own. Everyday you and your partner (if you have one) will ultimately be the ones responsible for making decisions that impact your child’s well-being today and in the future. This is the part where I usually say, no pressure. But, if you’re a mom, you’re probably feeling all of the pressure.
If you are like me, you are probably not alone on this journey. All of my friends are trying to figure out what they need to do to help their kids thrive. Can you do me a favor and share this episode with anyone that comes to mind? Wherever you are listing, you can just click the share button and then send the link to your friends in a text. It’s a great way to let them know they’re not alone on this journey.
Alright, let’s jump in! Over the past week or so, I’ve been listening to a podcast series on reading called Sold a Story, that basically has my hair on fire. It’s so alarming because they’re talking about this method of teaching reading that doesn’t work and may actually hinder students from reading well, but has been widely taught. That’s triggering enough, but throughout the episodes they talk to so many parents who knew something was wrong, spoke up about it, and were basically told they had to figure it out on their own.
I feel like we’ve all had a moment like that on this public school journey, so today we’re going to talk about it. I’m going to share some of the things I’ve learned over the past few years and this will be the start of a series where we dig into some education related topics.
There was one interview in particular that stood out to me. If you want to listen, I’ll put a link in the show notes, but it’s episode 4. They talk to a teacher who struggled learning to read herself, but met an amazing teacher who taught her how. Then, once she knew how to read, she taught her grandmother who’d grown up in the south and never learned. She grew up to be a teacher in the same area where her grandmother grew up and was passionate about teaching kids how to read.
At one point, she decided she was going to teach at a middle-class high-performing school. She said she wanted to be like robinhood. She was going to teach in a “good school” and get the information to bring back to the neighborhood where she taught. When she got there, she was instantly impressed by all the resources they had, she said it was like DisneyLand for teachers. But, as she kept digging she found that it wasn’t really the school that was making the difference for these kids. Most of them had tutors, and she actually became a tutor for kids who were struggling to read.
She went on to talk about how she later talked to a lot of her friends and found they were having similar experiences as parents. They were mostly minorities, and they’d scraped and saved to move into middle class neighborhoods with good schools, only to discover they still had to hire tutors for their kids. I’m one of those parents. Not one of the parents who talked to her, but one of the parent who has a kid attending an “A” rated school that still feels like my son has gaps. We’re spending a good chunk of money on tutoring for him, to make sure he stays on track at school. The process of doing this has been very haphazard because even though I work for an education non-profit…all of this was new to me. I’ve never been a parent of a grade school student before and I didn’t know what was normal or required. I think when we put her kid in a “good” school, we have a certain amount of faith they are going to get a good education. And they may, but I’ve come to view school as the foundation for learning instead of the whole picture.
I believe the teachers do their best, but if you go to public school, there is usually one teacher and like 20 kids. It’s probably impossible for our kids to get the personalized attention they need in that situation. If they are behind in school, they’re probably get pulled out for some type of intervention, but if they’re doing pretty good they just kinda bop along on the education treadmill.
The process of coming to this conclusion was a windy road. When it started, things were actually going pretty well, but I had my eyes on one of the top magnet schools for my son. I was frustrated because his test scores didn’t match what I thought his ability was, and the test was the key to open the door to the full portfolio of schools in the district.
One day, we were at his football game, and I connected with a mom who funny enough went to high school with Aaron. They were catching up and she started telling us her daughter was in the STEM Magnet school, so of course I leaned in lol. She told us her secret was putting her daughter in Kumon. She explained, tutoring was the only way to test in because the schools didn’t teach beyond the grade level curriculum. She said, once she put her in Kumon she tested into the stem school pretty shortly afterwards.
At this stage of my parenting journey, people had kinda made me feel crazy. I would ask his teacher for feedback and she would say “he’s doing fine” or “he’s on grade level”. But, that’s not what I wanted to hear. I wanted to hear, “He’s thriving” or “He’s so ahead”. I think my little boy is the smartest kid in the world…of course…I am a little biased. But I really wanted him to be challenged and I worried…at lot.
When I went to Kumon, it was different. It was like I’d found my people. The owner explained that my concerns were the reason they existed. They wanted all of their students to be at least 6 months ahead of the school curriculum. They believed this helped their students build confidence and excel in school.
Once I figured out what they were all about, I was in! They tested him according to their standards of mastery and found that he was actually behind. This didn’t mean the feedback from the teachers was wrong. He understood the basic concepts and he tested pretty well…but he had not fully mastered the concepts. This is important because as school gets harder and you build on the concepts you learn, a strong foundation is important.
Since we started Kumon, Sean’s mastery of math facts has grown tremendously. He’s always been a good reader, but I’ve learned the Map test isn’t just about being able to read. They’re testing your ability to comprehend and recall. Those are things he practices at Kumon. On his last MAP test, less than a year after starting Kumon, he was above the 75th percentile in math and reading, which mean’s if winter scores counted he would be eligible to attend any magnet school in Garland ISD.
Not because he suddenly got smarter, but because he had the support he needed to master the concepts on the test. On the next few episodes, I’m going to dig in on some topics related to education. But today, I wanted to share just a few things I’ve learned .
One thing I’ve noticed is a lot of the families in our Kumon are from Asian, Indian, and African backgrounds. As I’ve asked around, I’ve heard similar things about Kumon in other areas. They’re known for serving kids from those backgrounds.
Sometimes people will say a focus on learning is part of their culture. Maybe this is true, but it make it seem like learning is just not as important to other groups. I don’t necessarily think that’s true. I can at least speak for myself and the Black women I’m friends with—our children’s education is very very important to us. I think the real difference is this group of people has figured out a public school education is just the foundation for learning — not the end.
My little sister just started medical school, and when we saw her white coat ceremony, many of the students were from similar backgrounds. I also found out later that she was in Kumon too…we have different moms and we’re 10 years apart, so I had no idea about that.
For me, learning about world of tutoring and academic enrichment meant I signed my son up for Kumon and now we also have a tutor working with him on his writing. He is so creative and I just know he’s going to love writing once he masters it. While it’s expensive and maybe not the way we thought we would be allocating those funds…we can afford to provide these things for our son. But, what does this mean for families who can’t? This question has been driving me crazy over the past few weeks. There is nothing wrong with our kids…it’s the system we have them in that’s the problem.
So over the next few weeks…or months…or how ever long I’m obsessed with this topic, I’m going to be talking about how we can create more opportunities for our kids to thrive academically. We’ll get real and talk about all of it. If you have other education related questions and topics you would like to talk about, I would love to hear them! Send me a DM at @itmeshareea.
If you’re looking for tips on how to get your kids to enjoy reading more, check out my FREE Reading Made Fun Guide!
